God, AIDS, Africa & HOPE

Reflections / Gedanken

08/21/2009 • 5:09 pm Comments Off on 21.08.2009 Judging people…

21.08.2009 Judging people…

With the elevation of the Pius brotherhood through Benedikt XVI into the public eye we all can see and sense a new dawn of those, who are living in the past of the RC church and have refused to develop their faith. This in itself isn’t worrying. If people feel fine with the good old days and they want to keep them until they die – why not, if they apply it only to themselves. The danger is that with all the discussion now in the public forum, the old pictures from judgement, from evil, hell and condemnation, from a God acting like a policeman or a bookkeeper emerge again and that is the scary part. Reading about a priest in Austria starting to scare First Communion kids with hell and eternal condemnation – such teaching is surely encouraged through all the debate about the Pius brotherhood.

To spell it out again and again – and you can ask my community in Cape Town, they know it meanwhile and dream of it and can memorize it: God is love – unconditional love – and nothing ever can make us say that somebody has fallen out of the grace and mercy of God. Nobody! All those nevertheless doing it, denying that God is so much greater than all our thinking and understanding.

And this non judgemental unconditional love applies especially when it comes to such tricky topics like HIV and AIDS. There are no innocent babies and no not so innocent adults. There are only brothers and sisters with a certain condition. Point. No “Moralin”, no “Gardinenpredigt” – just acknowledgement, embracing of the condition and then the question, how to deal with it in a way beneficial to the person and his or her environment. Changing the stigma to a tool of compassion and mercy, self-knowledge and maturity.

I guess, if there is anything people living with the virus need besides good treatment and good friends it is people fighting like hell the stigma in our societies, fighting the travel bans, the discrimination, the human rights violations and fighting those who point fingers. And I have learned in my life: The more hostile people point fingers, the more they have to hide…

Filed under: HIV and AIDS, Reflection, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

08/20/2009 • 4:13 pm Comments Off on 20.08.2009 Positive clergy

20.08.2009 Positive clergy

Whether it is because people have read some postings or otherwise heard about it, it is amazing that there are people out there believing that a normal priest, a normal religious can not be HIV positive. Why not – I ask back. Also clergy, religious and seminarians, even nuns are only human beings, having a life before entering the state of religious life or being ordained. They continue to be human beings with all what comes with it, they can fail and raise again, and not only once.

Being a priest, religious or seminarian means to be called to holiness, but humanity remains – holiness without humanity, mistakes, errors and a life with ups and downs is not existing. There is nobody being born, raised and then lived a life without falter in this world. And when it comes to the official saints of the church, their holiness can only shine against the humanity, they have shown and experienced in their lives.

Only knowing to be weak, to make mistakes, to go wrong ways – and accepting that, can lead to maturity and to show compassion to others as I am able to show compassion to myself.

Writing this, I also feel, that even to think in the categories of “right” or “wrong” in connection with HIV is wrong. It is not even up to me to judge anybody in this matter. Decisions, we humans make and have to make every day leads to all sort of consequences. The main thing is to accept the consequences and to live your life to the fullest. Leave the judgment to God…

Filed under: HIV and AIDS, Reflection, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

08/08/2009 • 9:52 pm Comments Off on 08.08.2009 Broken promise

08.08.2009 Broken promise

How does interaction between people work? I guess, one of the basics is that if you agree about something, you keep word and hold on to the agreement. Otherwise it is difficult to see how life & cooperation and interaction should work on the long term run. If you cannot rely on somebodies promise, the interaction is fundamentally disturbed.

This applies very much in the field of the relationship between employer and employee. I am still struggling with the fact, that somebody working for a bishops conference is not only able to break agreements repeatedly and one-sided and that a bishop is actually covering up for such an behavior. This is not only sad, but brings up fundamental questions about the working ethic of such an entity. Mobbing and broken promises should never be part of dealing with an employee, even if the victim it is only a priest without the right to contest it in a secular court of law.

For me these experiences leave deep tracks in understanding of church personal. I only know that dealing with people means honesty, means integrity and means standing to his own word. Otherwise I act anti-social, a-social.  We as a church stand for justice and peace; it was unthinkable for me, that such behavior would be condoned by the conference secretary or even a bishop. Call me naive for not expecting it – but at least I am learning that having a social conscience seems not to be a credential for somebody leading a department at a bishops conference.

But I finally refuse to be a victim – leaving tracks does not mean to give up hope. I am convinced that you harvest, what you sowed – and that behavior like the described one only shows the lack of the experience of the unconditional love of God, which makes you able to deal with the next person in a civilised way. Such behavior indicates for me also an fundamental unhappiness with oneself. For me it is a sign, how unsaved a person is. So frustration and anger transforms into pity and compassion. It takes time – for me a whole holiday to come to that conclusion, but since then, I feel free to move on on my way and to search for a way to live my calling… Exciting times indeed.

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08/03/2009 • 3:07 pm Comments Off on 03.08.2009 the churches approach…and my attitude towards the debate

03.08.2009 the churches approach…and my attitude towards the debate

A lot is written and said about the approach of the RC church regarding HIV and AIDS, lots of praise and lots of criticism, depending where one is standing and how one experience the own situation and convictions. I am aware of all those discussions and obviously take part in it, often not making friends with my fellow brothers in Christ. But I guess however we debate the stance of the RC church, we should all taken seriously that all working in our church mean to foster life, provide guidance for living a life to the fullest. What I mean in saying so is, that we have to have a deep respect for each other when debating the right way forward. Nobody of us is owning the truth and even if we completely disagree about the others argument and position, we always should give the person the benefit of the doubt that he or she means to support life and to help people living it in a satisfying and dignified way.
I have sometimes the impression, that within our church, we have to learn this kind of respect before each other.

Only if we have this respect we are able to listen to each other, to learn from each other and to be challenged by each other. And specially the latter we all need – to be challenged, because only then we are able to sharpen our arguments and to get a clearer picture about our conviction.

For me, the toughest and sometimes even unfair challenges, which put me in corners I never have been in reality and I never wanted to be; these challenges and accusations have been helpful to look again and again how I can clarify my point of view and to knock away the weakness of my argumentation. For that I am indeed grateful.

Whether it is this blog or my work or all my personal encounters with people during the days and weeks – I want to keep that kind of respect, I want to assume that the other person also wants the best for human mankind and the fellow brother and sister. I admit: at times, it is awfully difficult to keep that respect, but it is necessary for dialog and a common way forward. And that is what at the end counts, that people find common grounds and move forward, maybe slower than I would wish for, but we are moving…

Lets debate, find common grounds and move forward in a way benefiting those we care for, we love and cherish and for our own sake and God’s unconditional love to everybody…

Filed under: HIV and AIDS, Reflection, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

08/03/2009 • 1:41 pm Comments Off on 03.08.2009 positive blogging…

03.08.2009 positive blogging…

It is amazing to find out more and more people blogging about their positive lifestyles and it is encouraging to read about it.  Most of them are doing it anonymously and it is understandable amidst the fear of stigmatisation and the often neurotic way, people react to a positive person. Why is that so? Because amazingly I have the impression, that it is always the others, who would be vulnerable to catch the virus. I have had discussions with people having multiple unprotected sex, but they were still convinced that they carefully selected their partners and that the risk of contracting the virus was almost zero. Isn’t that amazing?
An unforgettable moment in my life was last year visiting a friend in Thailand, who obviously was quite sick when I arrived. Knowing his lifestyle I spend days to convince him to visit a clinic and to let him test himself. On a Saturday evening at 10pm I got him into Silom community clinic and pushed my way with him through the staff trying to close down. Three rapid tests confirmed my suspicion and reflecting with him on what was happening, it was amazing for me to understand that he – deep inside himself – knew, what was wrong with him, but simply refused to face the reality of a test. God knows alone how many infections could have been avoided if he would have gone earlier. But the fear of stigma, of getting sick, of being rejected prevented him for a long time to go for the test. Understandable, but it showed me again how stigma adds to more infections and to early death as one starts treatment consequently sometimes too late.

Making things worse in this case, his CD 4 count was still to high to be able to receive treatment (over 200 copies p/ml).. so he had to wait another half a year before being able to start treatment.  These are the things driving me in my work in this field. The stigma, the unnecessary suffering until being eligible for treatment in a 3rd world setting and more and more the restriction of travel for people living with the virus. We are so advanced in treatment in Europe – but we are still miles away from treating HIV as a condition which does not need to end in discrimination or stigmatization of some kind.

We have to work with those affected and infected in an intensive way to change these settings, which lead at the end to more suffering and more infections – completely unnecessary. And we have to work constantly with ourselves to understand our own perceptions, fears, prejudices to convert them into a loving understanding without judgment.

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